I think I’m currently writing you a good-bye letter. I have made the decision of closing this blog, for good, in two weeks from now. I have several reasons to do this, some of them can be explained, some others can’t but I feel obligated to start explaining somewhere. It seems like at the moment I have nothing else to tell about the things I should tell on my blog in the way I should speak on this blog, that I haven’t done already; and many of the recent events that should be affecting me personally in the way they did in the past; do not seem to have that effect in me anymore. Please, dear reader, do not be fooled: I’m not talking about some Stockholm syndrome. My political views remain the same: I don’t think I’ll ever be a Revolution supporter for as long as a political government pretends to use such a title, for as long as the government doesn’t change its radical views based on ancient hate to the higher class and the old political elite (it doesn’t matter if that hate is justified or not). And I haven't receive any threat from the government or anyone else. I’m just out of words now.
I’m a little bit tired. I’ve spend almost the half of my short life reading the news and worried and concerned about the changes and crisis my country has lived since 1998. I think I could use a small and irresponsible break, to put some thoughts in order.
People often ask me if my country has a “solution” and what does that solution should be. It’s hard for me to even find a starting point on this matter and I feel that I need a lot of more preparation and life experience to give a proper answer. From where I see it, a country is so much more than a “trouble” that requires a “solution”, it’s a mixture of needs and ways of living that they might need to stop or to find a way to keep surviving. A country is not some “cause” you fight for, like you were in a struggle for the rights of the whales; a country is a home and no home should be asking you to give your life for it, gives the same if its for the revolution or for fighting against.
I won’t fall in that old poetic and openly accepted game. I like my country but it does not defines me. It is true that many times as you had read, I put my life in a serious danger. I’m not sure if I put my life in danger for the right reasons in the right way. I’m even less sure if I’m going to do that again.
I will be finally getting my degree any moment now and from there, not just Venezuela but my personal life will change even more than what it has already changed now. I’m in the process of making huge career and personal decisions. Perhaps after all I won’t be as much into politics as I thought I would be. Do not be fooled again, I do like politics and I do not see it as something “bad”. I’m just not sure if this is truly my thing.
Half of my friends, now that they have stopped being a part of the student movement, started working in politics without losing the connections with the movement. The other half is slowly building another way to live, a way on which the politics and the news are not the main thing. The first half are the ones I always called in an inside joke “the leaders”. But I’m not a leader. I’m trying to be a thinker and in that way I might end up belonging to some border line between my two half of friends, I’ll be like the cheese of a big Venezuelan youth sandwich but that’s nothing new for me. Who knows.
And I’m not alone. There’s a small list of people that for me are important enough to make them part of those kinds of decisions; and that I love them way too much to put them on a risk.
I do not regret of opening this blog and writing my political related experiences in it. Quite the opposite: I earned more knowledge, almost (no yet) a whole new language called English and valuable readers and friends.
So, to who ever might be reading this, and has read this page in the past, specially to Kate, Matt, Jungle- Mom, Feathers, John, Miguel O, Eric, Liz and many others: thanks. Thanks for reading me as always, thanks for trying to understand what my words were trying to tell you. If I come back to the blogosphere, you’ll be the first to know but that will be for making an entire different project.
Many things, sooner or later come to an end. Some blogs are bound to come to an end as well. This blog did what it had to do and I’m glad. All the things I wrote on this blog are carefully saved for future publications if I feel like it. The end of Venezuela as I know it will be permanently erased on September 10th, two weeks from now. Leave me a comment if you have any questions, critics or complaints. Good bye.
Julia.